Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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