I heard we made out
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
