I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
