maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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