my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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