'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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