just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
