I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
