Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
