I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
