I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
