After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize