yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your cock deserves a montage
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
