i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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