I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
