im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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