yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
