wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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