Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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