And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize