I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
