The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
