Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
