I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
