so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
