my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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