Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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