another moral hangover. fuck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
