Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
