Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
