Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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