I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
