the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
