He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
