So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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