Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
