Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
