My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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