Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
