yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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