I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
