the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
