Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How does one acquire holy water?
not ubering you a puppy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
