Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i've created a new STD.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
