is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
