I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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