wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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