totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
