you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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