Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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