i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
