remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Even my vagina gasped.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
