it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
