Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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