I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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