Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sext me about skeletons
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
