bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
