At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
