its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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