Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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