Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize