God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
