I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
