I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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