Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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